Sex has always fascinated me. Adults were secretive about it, so naturally I wanted to know what all the mystery was about.

With my first boyfriends, I often felt insecure. I had no idea what I enjoyed and mostly just went along with whatever they suggested. I liked it well enough, but it mostly happened to me. I experienced sex as a kind of performance, as if I had something to prove and needed to demonstrate my worth. And afterward, there was often a lingering sense of disappointment. Was that it already?

Is this what everyone is talking about? I felt insecure about my body and how I looked, and because of that I sought validation through sex. “If he likes me enough to have sex with me, maybe I’m likable too.” My self-worth didn’t come from within; I was looking for it in other people.

I went to wild parties with lots of alcohol and drugs, which often ended in sexual encounters. In the moment, they could be exciting and fun, but afterward they were often deeply unsatisfying. I was left feeling disappointed, both by the experience and by my sexuality.

Performance and boundaries.

I didn’t really know what I genuinely enjoyed. And when I did sense what I wanted, I didn’t dare ask for it. At the same time, I wasn’t clear about what I didn’t want either. My boundaries were vague, both to myself and to others. And so I kept ending up with that same painful feeling of insecurity and disappointment, while my longing for fulfilling sex and genuine connection was incredibly strong.

Fortunately, I also met wonderful sexual partners and discovered that I deeply enjoyed making love with women as well. I wanted to be the best lover possible for my partners. I thought it was mostly about technique, which I enthusiastically tried to master. With mixed results, because of course not everyone enjoys the same things.

I was goal-oriented and performance-driven. I constantly felt like I had something to prove and often felt that I fell short.

Pleasure and open communication about sex.

But after years of experimenting, with men and women, something began to shift. I gradually became better at communicating openly about sex: about what I enjoy and what I don’t. About exploring and experimenting together. It no longer had to be perfect. It became less of a performance and more about really meeting each other.

My big aha moment.

Alongside my wild party life, I had always been deeply interested in spirituality. I meditated in a monastery in Thailand and felt that this was much closer to my life’s purpose than the chaotic party scene in Amsterdam.

It was there that I was introduced to Taoist and Tantric sexual practices, which taught me to see sex as something magical and healing. Something clicked. I realized that sexuality could be spiritual, bringing together two parts of myself that had always seemed separate. It was my big aha moment.

It didn’t have to be one or the other. There is a healthy way to get high: getting high on your own supply. I discovered pleasure can be gentle, even innocent and that sexual energy is, in essence, life energy.

Through the Taoist Valley Orgasm practice, I learned about self-love and my sense of self-worth grew. I became more aware of my boundaries and much safer sexually, both for myself and for others.

I wish I had learned all of this sooner.

Instead of stumbling through years of disappointment, insecurity, trial and error, and decades of personal exploration before slowly arriving at these insights. It was a beautiful journey, certainly. But I often think about how much it would have helped if someone had gently guided me when I was struggling so much.

That’s one of the reasons I love helping others with this work.

Almost all of us consider sex important. Yet we learn remarkably little about it in school. Luckily, the good news is that sex is something you can learn.

That’s why I devoted myself to studying sex, not only through science, but also through the wisdom of the body. Because sexuality isn’t something we experience only with our minds; we experience it with our whole being.

I trained in Somatic Sexology, a body-based approach to sexology that places sensation, awareness, and embodiment at the center.

I help people develop knowledge, self-awareness, practical tools, and communication skills so they can enjoy sex more fully.

To gain clarity about what they truly want, and what they don’t. To discover what genuinely feels good and learn how to ask for it. Sometimes challenging themes emerge. Together we meet them honestly and directly, with care, empathy, and groundedness. And while things can become uncomfortable, we also bring in playfulness and humor.

My training in various schools of Somatic Sexology and soft-touch de-armouring, combined with an ongoing practice of Taoist sexuality and meditation, forms the foundation of my professional work.

I identify as queer and welcome people of all gender identities, sexual orientations, and relationship structures.

This is my mission because it is so deeply needed today.

When you feel comfortable and at home in your sexuality, that well being radiates into every other area of your life. Of course into your relationship(s), but also into your mood, your energy, your confidence, and your sense of self-worth.

Quite simply, it helps you feel freer, more alive, and more at ease within yourself.